Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
