I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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