we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
