Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
