How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
