He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You've changed since you got that strap on
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
