if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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