tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
