Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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