I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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