I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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