I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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