you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I party with great urgency now.
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