you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
