Only a mothe r could love this liver
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
