I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize