shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
