I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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