I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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