Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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