Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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