I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
