U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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