All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
