my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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