I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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