if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
