I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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