oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
