We're like a lot better than the average bears
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
