He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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