True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
