he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
