I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
