My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
