put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
