He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
