we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
