This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
