What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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