I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
