I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
