I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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