She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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