i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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