I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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