i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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