Just fell off a train. Bad.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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