I need help removing her.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
