Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
