I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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