Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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