i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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