Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
