You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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