I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
