When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
