I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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