Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
