Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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