So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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