the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
