Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
