it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
